So I was just innocently watching TV the other day when a movie began. I turned it on just at the end of the opening credits and the only thing I caught about it was that it was made by "baa-ram-ewe Productions." Recognizing that "baa-ram-ewe" was the sacred chant from "Babe" (the movie about the talking pig), I assumed that I must be watching "Babe 6: Babe gets stranded in Thailand" (it's a miracle that I didn't change the channel). As the opening shot panned down from a flag that had been fastened to the top of an ominous looking tree to a group of determined looking young men who were covered in dry mud, I kept thinking, "where's the pig?"
It was only when the young men began playing a spirited game of "climb-the-tree-as-fast-as-you-can-while-violently-throwing-all-your-competitors-from-the-highest-branches-to-crash-painfully-to-the-ground-below" that I began to suspect that maybe this wasn't a "Babe" movie after all. Indeed, it turns out I was watching "Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior" (it gets confused with "Babe" all the time), and when Ting (Tony Jaa--a westernized version of his real name) emerges from the thronging, tree-climbing, mass of humanity and triumphantly holds forth the captured flag, there is no doubt as to which "Thai Warrior" the title refers.
Before I go any further, let me just say this. Sometimes you are just aimlessly flicking around your billion or so cable TV channels and you stumble across some movie you never would have otherwise watched (or even heard of) which turns out to be the most incredible thing you have ever seen. My experience with "Ong-Bak" was along those lines. In many ways, "Ong-Bak" is completely absurd and I admit I watched the first fifteen minutes or so with my thumb dangling over the "channel" button. But every time I had finally decided to resume my surfing, something would happen in "Ong-Bak" that made me pause. It was only when Ting started reluctantly fighting for money in the shadiest of Thai bars that I became completely hooked (who can resist the dream lifestyle of kick-boxing for money in Thailand?).
The plot is meaningless; it's something about how a small village's sacred statue loses its head (I get the impression they take their sacred heads seriously in Thailand) and Ting had to go to the city to get it back (in order to ward off the drought, or famine or something). Ting's adventures are only an excuse for him to show off a set of acrobatic skills that make Jackie Chan look like a blundering oaf. For example, there is a chase scene that, by any technical movie-making standard, goes on about three times longer than it has any reason to. However, you don't mind because the chase serves no other purpose than to allow Ting to perform a series of athletic feats which I would have thought were impossible (he dives through a 1 foot diameter, barbed-wire ring at a full run while touching his toes...that's hard to even visualize, much less do). Sometimes you can't even comprehend what's happening because it flashes by so quickly, but luckily "Ong-Bak" comes from the school of thought which often shows a complicated piece of action two or three times from two or three different angles and has at least one version in slow-motion.
"Ong-Bak" is a Thailand production (which is why the actors have names like Pumwaree Yodkamol or Suchao Pongwilai) and it shows in the action. My impression is that in pansy Hollywood, they would have used CGI for 90% of the extreme fights. In a place like Thailand, however, CGI is expensive and human lives are cheap, so they probably just ran over people, filmed it, and found a nice shallow grave to discard the bodies. But even with the behind-the-scenes speculations aside, you can tell this is not an American film because, towards the end, it gets brutal. There is a scene involving a broken leg, a scene involving a broken arm, and a scene with a saw blade that you just aren't going to see coming out of Hollywood. Let's just say it momentarily put the cartoon violence aside and made me wince.
But, hey, isn't that what you want in a martial-arts movie? Tony Jaa is the real deal, he moves just like Bruce lee but looks a little meaner. His patented attack is to fly through the air and kick people in the face with his knees. He also likes to do a flying elbow smash to the top of the head which causes blood and brain matter to fly out in all directions (plus he can jump through the aforementioned barbed wire hoop as a bonus). This is the world's perfect "guy night" movie. It's the kind of thing you can put on in the background while you're playing cards with the assurance that your friends will get distracted allowing you to sneak a peek at the flop before you offer your opening bet. But be warned, don't invite anyone to the party who has a reputation for getting on your nerves because you'll probably be inspired to try one of Tony Jaa's patented roundhouse kicks to the forehead and you'll probably dislocate one of your own hips in the intent.
I'm off, I just discovered that Ong-Bak 2 is already in video stores and I HAVE to watch it tonight! You NEED to go off and rent Ong-Bak now!
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